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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dear Love

Dear Love
Oh how I long for you. I ache for you. I have been hid so long that I fear you may never find me. Will I ever get to hold you and keep you? Will I ever get to look into your beautiful eyes? Will I ever get to kiss your soft lips? Will I ever get to tell you that I love you and that I have always wanted and needed you.

For you I wait. Day after day nothing happens, yet I keep waiting. I can't shake the feeling of being alone no matter who I'm with. I always feel I'm missing someone and I know it's you that I miss. I don't know where to go. I don't know which way to turn. I don't know where I am. I don't know what to do. I am lost.

Home is where the heart is or so they say but my heart doesn't feel at home anywhere? Does that mean my heart is homeless? That's how it sure feels. It feels cold, hungry and unsheltered.

I'm alone. Alone in a world filled with many people. No one sees me and no one hears me. I sit in a corner of a room while everyone is dancing and running wildly around me. My head is hung down while everyone elses is held high. I cry as the room is filled with laughter. I fall to the floor and look at everyone standing so tall. I reach out for a helping hand while all hands are busy touching someone else. My tears hit the floor to be trampled upon and unnoticed. I am alone.

People have been asking the question for years "what is true love?" Well I say, it is something perfect, beautiful, magical, mystical, powerful, soft, strong, delightful, soothing, comfortable, healing, blissful, satisfying, delicious and dreamy. The next question people ask is "why can't I find true love?" I say, because it only exists in our minds.

I'm waiting on you my love, the man in my mind to find your way to my heart. Although I know it will never happen for the only place you can ever exist is in my mind.

Oh my love, how I ache for thee. I have waited on thee for many years. I have searched for thee everywhere that I have been and you don't even exist. Yet knowing that, I still wait for you to come. I am oh so lonely without you. My life is nothing but pain without you. Oh my love, how I ache for thee.

I need more than words of love and I need more than just being fucked. I need actions of love. I need a man that I can trust and respect. I need a man who wants a woman to make love to. I need and want my soulmate because it is more than just my body that has needs. My soul needs you.

I want love that will make me laugh and not make me cry sad tears. I want love that will build up my self esteem not tear it down. I want love that I can trust to be truthful not lie. I want love that I can raise my head up high not always hang it down. I want love that respects me not belittles me. I want love that assures me securance not fear of losing. I want love that makes me feel like the only woman in a room full of women not like I'm not even there. I want love that truly enjoys my presence not use me to try to replace loneliness. I want love that can give me peace not torment. I want love that gives me encouragement not discouragement. I want love that gives me confidence not take it away. I want love that will comfort me not make me lonely. I want love that will make me feel loved not like a whore. I want love that will care for me not treat me without feelings. I want love that wants what I want. I want love that is reality not delusions.

I know I'm not the only woman in the world or the only woman in a room full of women, I know I'm not the prettiest, I know I'm not the sexiest, and I know I'm not the best, but I want my man to treat me as if I am.

I wanna know that he will be there for me always. I don't wanna worry if I'm gonna be left alone when I get sick, old, crazier, or whatever. I don't wanna worry that I will be traded in for someone else. I wanna be able to trust and believe in him without being wrong or laughed at. I wanna man who can and will be faithful to me.

I want a man with the kindest heart, full of love, compassion, understanding, generous, strong willed, funny, yet serious. I want him to tell me jokes when I am a litttle down or bored. I want him to wrap me in his arms when I need to cry. I want him to dance with me at home or in public places. I want him to always make me feel secure about myself and about us. I want him to place me before anyone unless someone has a great need. I want him to honor and respect me and be someone that I can honor and respect.

You my love are the only one who can ever be all that. You are the only one who can be what I want and need. Only you my love.
luv
me
G

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